Hug A Cat Day

Join us for out Guest Blog Writer this week, Brendalyn Drews! International Hug a Cat Day is coming up this weekend on June 4th, and it’s a holiday close to her heart. We hope you enjoy reading her take on how to hug a cat!

I once won a school prize for a short story I wrote in which the world was completely different because cats appeared – and were hugged – at just the right moments in history.

Why should that be? Hugging a cat has actual health benefits, calms people down, and puts them in a good mood. Give Sean Penn a purring British Shorthair and he never would have hit that photographer. And would Kanye West have ruined the MTV Video Music Awards had he been cuddling an Exotic Shorthair?

My mission with this article is to raise awareness of the value of hugging cats, and to teach you all how to do it. I think I’ve nailed the first part, so let’s move on to the second.

How to hug a cat

You will need:

• duct tape (or a display-sized tent)
• cat treats (ideally raw organic grass-fed steak, but there are many options)
• merino/cashmere wool jumper
• a cat (optional)

Step One – Trapping a Cat

Cats are independent creatures, and like to prowl their domain like lions across the Serengeti. They work to their own schedule, and let’s face it, you work to their schedule too.

So, on June 4^th, when YOU’ve decided it’s time for YOUR hug, it’s quite likely that your cat will be hiding under a bed, up a tree waiting to pounce on a butterfly, or just up to some weird interdimensional shenanigans that our primitive brains would never understand.

And what if you don’t even have a cat? Guys, it’s really no trouble. This is where the duct tape comes in.

We’re going to use a method created by top Facebook vet Dr Chris Brown. He discovered a simple method of trapping a cat – you simply use tape to mark a square on your floor. Leave the room, and when you return your cat will be in the space. (If you don’t have a cat, the universe will provide a temp.)

[“Our cat is totally nuts 24/7 but calmly stepped inside immediately. Bizarre.” (quote from Jaccy Fourtomatoes on FB)]

If you’ve got the billionaire mindset and having duct tape all over your floors is too riff-raff for you, you can get the same effect by investing in a display tent. You know, a mini replica of a full-size product used in outdoor sports shops.

Step Two – Trick the Cat into Liking You

You need to get closer to the cat, but don’t storm towards it or loom over it. Amble in the vague direction of the cat, whistling nonchalantly. A few paces away, slowly flop down onto your back.

Leave a small trail of treats between you and the cat. Do not make eye contact at this point!

The final treat should be on your belly button BUT NOT IN IT.

Wait.

Shortly after you stop moving, the cat will sniff out the treats, eat the first one, the second, and jump up onto you for the third. No flinching, and don’t grab at the cat! When the cat has finished the final treat it will begin pawing at your expensive jumper. When it’s had a good old feel around, it’ll be sleepy and ready for its hug.

Step Three – The Hug

Tender but not clawing. Affectionate but not needy. Firm but not suffocating. Let these principles guide you as you get your cuddle on.

Start behind the cheeks with a soft touch massage, and move on to the ears. Never go inside the ear. Your cat will literally say ‘oh yeah that’s the spot’.

Stroke down from the back of the head like you are touching an expensive vase. For a masterclass in buying a cat’s affection with delicious steak and how to handle a cat, watch this excellent video.

Step Four – Report your Success

Once you’ve had a good old hug, your blood pressure is back to normal, and your brain is swimming in enorphines, you can get on Twitter and rate the cat.

It might seem strange to rate a cat, especially when the average score is 10/10, but you’ll be letting the world share some of the hug-joy you experienced, and in these stressful times there can’t be enough of that.

Over to you, Community Cat Podcast fans! Spread the word about Hug a Cat Day!

Brendalyn Drews is a writer for Kitty Coaching.